Tris's Gift
by Brilliant Brunette Beauty
Summary: ***Only read if you have finished Allegiant.*** Before chapter 50 happened, something sudden and shocking happened to Tris and Tobias, and now Tobias is left to handle it on his own. *SLIGHTLY AU, as more time has passed than did between the books*


**A/N: After crying, yelling, and sulking when I finally finished Allegiant, I realized how attached I have become to Tris. It wasn't even her death that made me cry. It was the thought of Tobias trying to go on without her. It's hard to imagine one without the other. It's like a missing half. So, I decided to turn something tragic into something beautiful. I gave Tobias a way to hang on to Tris. **

**This is AU when it comes to times and dates! **

**For the sake of my story, they were in the Erudite compound for a lot of months. You have been told, so if you complain about that, I will direct you back to this warning!**

**Tris lives on in our hearts (and in fanfiction)!**

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The grief consumes me, washing over every part of my soul before it swallows me up over and over again. I can't feel anything else but the aching pain in my chest and the constant presence of unshed tears building up inside me.

_'Don't you cry,'_ I tell myself. _'Don't you dare cry. That won't bring her back.' _And it's true. Tris, my Tris, the one person who I thought would be my future, my forever, who was the only person who could make me laugh or smile, is dead. She's dead, gone, forever. Her body that I used to take warmth from is probably permanently cold by now. I don't know how I'll ever be happy again. It doesn't seem possible to even think past what will happen today. I can't bear to imagine my whole future without her. Today is overwhelming already. The future can wait. She's gone, and what am I left with?

A baby.

Tris is gone and now I have to care for this _baby_ swaddled in blankets, lying in my hesitant arms. She could have been born yesterday, or she could have been born a week ago. I have no concept of how much time has passed now that Tris has left the world. To say the baby was unexpected is an understatement; she _happened_, per say, not that long after the video was revealed in Erudite headquarters, which we were stuck in for months and months after that day **(A/N: And that was the AU part I mentioned)**.

I glance down at the baby and feel anger rising up in my chest, replacing the grief. I was doing just fine when it was just Tris and me, before this _baby_ came along. Now Tris is gone, and I have this new baby that I never asked for instead of her. I feel cheated. I have no idea how to raise a kid! I'm a mess! I just lost the girl I love. There's no way I can do this. I don't particularly want to do this.

I hear the baby gurgle and grip my finger, which makes me jump slightly. Tris may not have been around her for long, but she was the more relaxed one. I was always nervous when it came to the baby. Now I resent it. I resent it for being here instead of Tris. The fact that I can even think these things for even a second scares me.

What if I turn out like Marcus? What if my anger over Tris's death becomes so severe that I beat this child when she grows up? I look down at her face and try my best to picture her, as a child, cowering in terror while I raise a belt to strike her. I close my eyes tightly. The image is too much. I can't beat her even if I wanted to. I'm not my father.

Still, I don't see how I can raise her, knowing that Tris is gone. I can't help but blame this baby. I know, she didn't ask to be born, but something deep inside me shouts _'Tris should be here instead!' _It makes no sense. Shutting my eyes tightly, I remember how Tris looked while she was holding her for the first time. I feel the tears burn my eyes as I remember how she was glowing, how beautiful she was, and how… _happy_ she looked. We were in no position to have a child, yet she didn't seem to care. She was thrilled to have this baby. She was ecstatic to be holding a little combination of the two of us. I look back down at the baby. She has my dark blue eyes, but when I look at her head, I see the blondest fuzz sticking out of the blanket. It looks just like Tris's.

_Just like Tris._

The tears start to fall at an alarming pace as I stare down at her longer. I finally understand what I couldn't grasp in my grief-filled haze. I don't understand how I could have been so selfish and idiotic. This baby girl is my way of hanging onto Tris. She's a part of her, just as much as she is of me. She's a product of our love for one another, no matter how unplanned she was. She's Tris's final gift to me, and unknowingly, her final goodbye to me.

I can't help the tears from falling now as I pull the baby – no, _my daughter_ – closer to my chest. I sob openly for all the years stolen from Tris, all the times Tris and I will never have together, and all the memories Tris will not share with our daughter. But mostly, I cry because I have wasted so much time being angry at the only thing I have left. My daughter, my daughter with Tris, is the only piece I have left of her. When I look at her, I'll always see Tris. I haven't lost her entirely. I don't know how I didn't realize it earlier. I love this baby. I don't hate her. I don't resent her. I love her.

The sobs wrack my body as the finality of Tris's death hits me full force. My little daughter catches on to my distress and begins to wail at full volume. I long to comfort her, but how can I make her feel better when I can't do that for myself? Her cries make me cry harder. I know she doesn't understand any of what's happening. She doesn't know her mother died. But for a moment, it feels as though we're both crying out of grief. All I can do is hold her tightly against my chest and weakly attempt to shush her through my tears.

"Four…" I look up and see Zeke and Christina standing near me awkwardly, balancing on their heels like they're debating whether or not to approach me. I really don't care what they do. I can't be bothered to pay any attention right now.

"Four, will you give us the baby please?" Zeke asks gently, like he's scared of my reaction. I clutch her to my chest, refusing to let them take her from me. She's all I have to cling on to. I won't let her go. I won't let her go like I was forced to let Tris go. Christina steps forward.

"Please, Four." Her voice is pleading and weak. Then, I understand; they're afraid that I'll accidentally hurt the baby because of my current state. It hurts, knowing that I might actually do that. It's very possible. Reluctantly, I hand her to them, and as Zeke rocks her in an attempt to calm her, Christina sits down next to me.

"We all miss her," she whispers. "I know that it's the hardest for you, but just remember that Tris wouldn't want it to be this way. She'd want us to be strong for her. We all loved her. We'll get through this together." Her words make the last of the tears come leaking out. She's right. Tris wouldn't want this. She would be telling me that I'm stronger than this. But, how can I get through this when I feel like I'm falling apart? When my eyes land on my daughter falling asleep in Zeke's arms, I get my answer. I'm not truly alone. I'll always have a part of Tris with me.

That is what she gave to me.

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**A/N: I'm still crying. I CANNOT TAKE THIS! Why did Veronica Roth feel it needed to kill off he main character?! I just can't. Handle. All. The. FEELS!**


End file.
